I never expected to ever move to Los Angeles; I remember two years ago in college in Maryland and damning the southern portion of my home-state for the few materialistic people I met on campus. I moved here in July, and I have now been here five months. The first few months I was here, I was in awe of how "cool" it was. In the past two months, I realized how all of this Hollywood bullshit can literally drain you. I have come to grips in the past two months that I truly cannot be happy here; I will say that being here has been an experience that I definitely needed.
I remember in college I had the sense of pride and consciousness for life and learning more about the world at large (one of my favorite phrases back then). I remember I used to sit and write journal entries, essays, blogs, manifestos, and poems, and get that sense of excitement and lust for life. I must say that in the past two years, I have not been writing hardly as much as I used to. I found myself going back to reading some of my old entries from years past and seeing the kind of man I was in 2006 and 2007. I miss that person. Somewhere along the way, I let this music business that I have ventured into tarnish my one true God-given gift, my writing ability. I let the bullshit of going out on drunken nights to $5 dollar bill shows amongst the drunks and whores blind me from my one truth medium that speaks through me completely, my writing. I let the arrogance of being behind a simple velvet rope in VIP watching my clientele and even other musical artists perform outshine the one true burning desire that is within me, my writing.
I will continue to put up blogs with music, but from now on, I will go back to my original format for creating this blog in the first place. I will go back to using this blog as my journal; I will revert back to using this website as a place for my pains, anguish, joy, and happiness of my 25-year-old life. I am coming back into the sense of my true self.
God, I'm still so thanksful
