Sometimes I wish I could feel something more than this sense of loneliness and want; the true element of being alone at night rather bothers me. Today, I tried something that was basically outside of myself or character; I had a discussion with someone regarding a difference in opinion that we had. Normally, I would shut down their ideas and champion mine as the victor, but tonight, I listened and acknowledged their own truths. I was completely calm during this thirty-three minute disagreement, but yet, it seemed like yet of a role reversal towards the tail end of the spat. In all cases, I would be the one to stir up the pot by throwing insults to get a rise out of the person, but I was the one being fucked up this time. In this case on an average day or night, I would have fired back mental bricks to destroy their complete sense of self-worth but tonight I did not.
I questioned the person on if they were used to dealing with anyone like me and they said, "No" abruptly. I then began to ask them what was the difference between me and their past interactions with men. After about five minutes, I realized that everything they said was about my line of communication. Every difference that they said about me was negative. There was nothing in the differences that was a positive. It's quite a troubling feeling to hear someone you are involved with say that every difference between you and their skeletons in their closet have was not in your favor at all. But, yet, you were more of a social burden than a social pleasure.
I really do not think I am wrong for trying to better myself and communicate with this person in a calm manner; it's sad to think that every woman that I have dealt with can be as sweet with incredible laughs and smiles when they want to be, then be as cold as the others to prove a point with you. I get off the phone calmly, hurt. Now, it is midnight and it has been three hours since we got off the phone. I would think that I would get an apology for being offended, but I am not surprised. Well, isn't this nice....
I questioned the person on if they were used to dealing with anyone like me and they said, "No" abruptly. I then began to ask them what was the difference between me and their past interactions with men. After about five minutes, I realized that everything they said was about my line of communication. Every difference that they said about me was negative. There was nothing in the differences that was a positive. It's quite a troubling feeling to hear someone you are involved with say that every difference between you and their skeletons in their closet have was not in your favor at all. But, yet, you were more of a social burden than a social pleasure.
I really do not think I am wrong for trying to better myself and communicate with this person in a calm manner; it's sad to think that every woman that I have dealt with can be as sweet with incredible laughs and smiles when they want to be, then be as cold as the others to prove a point with you. I get off the phone calmly, hurt. Now, it is midnight and it has been three hours since we got off the phone. I would think that I would get an apology for being offended, but I am not surprised. Well, isn't this nice....
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