So I'm sitting here in the middle of my room watching my fingers race at this keyboard trying to understand why I am so uncertain with what I am to be doing with my life currently. Why does this thing called "college" seem like a big waste of time? I realize that receiving a degree would be a great accomplishment, but something in me just doesn't have the drive to want to finish. I think that maybe travelling over 3,000 miles to this college in the remote rural land of Maryland from the lively urban California is becoming more than displeasing. I have thought that maybe going back to California to complete my degree might be a great thing for me to do after I have realized that my graduation date has yet extended back another semester. It was projected for this December of this year of 2007, but it's looking more like May of 2008. I am already 22 years old and I feel like I am much too old to be here fraternizing with such young and puerile kids running about this campus, all hormone-raged and such. I was fine with being here at the age of 20, but now at this somewhat stale age of 22, the campus life thing is becoming a bit mundane and annoying. Getting drunk on the weekends for some sort of self-escapism from the bowels of this humdrum campus is getting a tad bit annoying.
Alas! There maybe is hope for me, yeah? Maybe if I sit here and attempt to search for some sort of solace within myself, I can find the driving factor that will give me the ambition to get the hell out of here. Yes! Now that would assuredly be great; yes, sir it would be nice.
I guess that grad school abroad will have to wait a few more semesters, yeah? It's okay; I need to prepare myself for what's beyond the Atlantic anyway.
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
"My Greek letters make me cool!"
I woke up this morning to get ready to go to the gym at 7:15 like usual when I stumbled upon a "cousin of mine's" Face book page. Well..she's not really my cousin...hell...we don't even get along! But, anyways, I noticed that she is a part of the Order of the Eastern Star. It startled me a bit to see that a woman so brilliant (book-smart) could be easily manipulated into becoming a mason. I hope she knows what she's gotten herself into.
If only most of the people that join college fraternities and sororities knew that they are also masons by joining these various Greek orders. But, rather than look beyond the bright colored paraphernalia (tee-shirts, key chains, etc.) and "cool kids" that are part of these orders, they actually need to research who founded these Greek organizations.
"But we have benefits...I can find a job right after college."
Yeah, that's fine, but why would you want to join any organization that does everything in secrecy? Why would you want to join an organization that makes you do things you don't want to do during your pledging "Rush" time-period? Does putting a brand on your arm like cattle really make you feel any better?
All I say is that, people need to look beyond the propaganda of positive things these organizations do and actually look at the history of how these organizations were started. Most fraternities, orders, and sororities are masonic! Research it yourself!
Here's a few links:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Masonic_organizations
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fraternal_organization
If only most of the people that join college fraternities and sororities knew that they are also masons by joining these various Greek orders. But, rather than look beyond the bright colored paraphernalia (tee-shirts, key chains, etc.) and "cool kids" that are part of these orders, they actually need to research who founded these Greek organizations.
"But we have benefits...I can find a job right after college."
Yeah, that's fine, but why would you want to join any organization that does everything in secrecy? Why would you want to join an organization that makes you do things you don't want to do during your pledging "Rush" time-period? Does putting a brand on your arm like cattle really make you feel any better?
All I say is that, people need to look beyond the propaganda of positive things these organizations do and actually look at the history of how these organizations were started. Most fraternities, orders, and sororities are masonic! Research it yourself!
Here's a few links:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Masonic_organizations
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fraternal_organization
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Journal Entry Numero Quatre (4)
I guess sometimes it's better to leave even the closest friends (so you thought) dead in the back of your mind. I wish there was a way I could throw this old friend of mine out of my mind and bury the very thought of even knowing them in a garden far off from here. Sink this ship of bullshit that still attacks my mental waves of happiness. This ship of piracy that brings dark, damp catatrosphic waves and even a hurricane that attacks my mind. Like I wrote in my blog about my confessions, I can become parasitic, but I didn't realize that the "friend" stayed around because she couldn't figure out a way to let it go.
I guess that leaving when my cousin dies was perfect timing, but I truly know that wasn't your intent. You just seen it as a way to runaway from the fake friendship in the first place. It wasn't viable to keep you around; now this, I realize. It was more of a waste of time. I can't sit here and say I'm not sad that we couldn't be adults and look beyond the bullshit. but, like you said, our whole existence amongst each other was bullshit. I tried to be honest with this broad, but sometimes I tread that thin thread of honesty and bluntness. No one ever said that life was far. But, don't expect me to be happy for you, and say that things will be happy for me too. I don't want your pity.
Keep your "friends" (well, I guess not a friend at all) at a distance.
But anyways, on a lighter note, I will have a message board/forum up very soon. Give me about a week or so. I will have the site up. I hope that all of you reading this right now will take the time and get an account on the forum.
Thanks!
I guess that leaving when my cousin dies was perfect timing, but I truly know that wasn't your intent. You just seen it as a way to runaway from the fake friendship in the first place. It wasn't viable to keep you around; now this, I realize. It was more of a waste of time. I can't sit here and say I'm not sad that we couldn't be adults and look beyond the bullshit. but, like you said, our whole existence amongst each other was bullshit. I tried to be honest with this broad, but sometimes I tread that thin thread of honesty and bluntness. No one ever said that life was far. But, don't expect me to be happy for you, and say that things will be happy for me too. I don't want your pity.
Keep your "friends" (well, I guess not a friend at all) at a distance.
But anyways, on a lighter note, I will have a message board/forum up very soon. Give me about a week or so. I will have the site up. I hope that all of you reading this right now will take the time and get an account on the forum.
Thanks!
Monday, February 19, 2007
We love you, Zip Coon! You make me Laugh!
"Another version is called "Natchez Under the Hill". The lyrics are thought to have been added to an earlier tune by Bob Farrell who first performed them in a black face act on August 11, 1834.
A satirical version has appeared as:
Do your balls hang low do they wobble to and fro'?
Can you tie them in a knot?
Can you tie them in a bow?
Can you throw them o'er your shoulder like a Continental soldier Do your balls hang low? "
An excerpt from Wikipedia.com about "Zip Coon," a minstrel show character used to stereo type black males during the 1800's. You can see this stereotype of Zip Coon even in today's movies, TV shows and even music videos. If the stereotype of Zip Coon is for the degradation of blacks, then why did commercial rapper, Jibbs (a black man), make a song called "Chain Hang Low" in 2006 using the same melody of the verse above to rap about jewelry? Sad! The verse above from "Natchez Under The Hill," was popularized in today's society being played in your neighborhood ice cream truck repeatedly, and sung in campfire songs such as "Dirty Bill" for all of your children to sing and remember by the tender ages of seven.
Shake hands with the character (stereotype) Zip Coon!
Notice how flashy of a dresser he is. You can see "Zip Coon" in today commercial rap music videos as well...
A satirical version has appeared as:
Do your balls hang low do they wobble to and fro'?
Can you tie them in a knot?
Can you tie them in a bow?
Can you throw them o'er your shoulder like a Continental soldier Do your balls hang low? "
An excerpt from Wikipedia.com about "Zip Coon," a minstrel show character used to stereo type black males during the 1800's. You can see this stereotype of Zip Coon even in today's movies, TV shows and even music videos. If the stereotype of Zip Coon is for the degradation of blacks, then why did commercial rapper, Jibbs (a black man), make a song called "Chain Hang Low" in 2006 using the same melody of the verse above to rap about jewelry? Sad! The verse above from "Natchez Under The Hill," was popularized in today's society being played in your neighborhood ice cream truck repeatedly, and sung in campfire songs such as "Dirty Bill" for all of your children to sing and remember by the tender ages of seven.
Shake hands with the character (stereotype) Zip Coon!
Notice how flashy of a dresser he is. You can see "Zip Coon" in today commercial rap music videos as well...
Check out these links!
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Mental Freestyle Part Un (1)
I wrote this poem on the 9th of February of this year, 2007. I was listening to a playlist of eclectic songs and I put fragmented pieces of the lyrics in this poem in the beginning of it. You can tell that by the middle of the poem that my viewpoint totally changed like it normally does when I write. Any comments, questions, or ridicule would be gratefully appreciated via AIM, Yahoo!, MSN, or e-mail. Thank you! Please do subscribe to this page as well and tell your friends or anyone that you may think might be interested in my writings. Even if you think they might not be interested, it might be a good thing for them to read on my page. Thanks!
2.9.07
It's too late
For the better
Frail dreams of stormy weather
Never stable
But think provocatively
Never waiting of your response
At a distant glance
I asked four times for a chance
Misleadings I have feel behind
Blowing the planets out of alignment
Grabbing the Moon and burying it
Within my closet
But only to see that I have
Darkened the sky for all to bleed
The planes mistaken for stars
Blowin' up in the sky
But then to remark the catastrophe
But yes a travesty
Further events seen as a tragedy
All the dreams we've left behind
To bury them in our gardens
Falling fast asleep without solace or glee
Thank you for dishardment of heart
Two more years
Another view isn't seen
Golden reefs beyond the sea
Atlantis waiting to blow up the Earth
Babylon spite the U.S.
Disregarding the civilians
Women infertile
Men amongst reptiles
Alienating the truth
The core of the Earth is hollow
Believe me, believe so
You worship paganistic symbols
MK Ultra repetitive images in dreams
Programming us for the next day
Lead me, Father for I want
To help my people
Destroy the genocide displayed
Upon us
Unveiling the masons and snakes
Amongst us
So we can anarchize this world
To idealism
These material pagan idols
Jesus, You I won't be forgettin'
But if only the servants of the Illuminati
Would listen.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
You celebrate holidays unwillingly! WHY?!?!?
I don't have the courage to get up and leave this room. I don't have the strength to get up and be bombarded with the red cliche of today. The bullshit of this so-called holiday but let the people seem to forget that caring more about teddy bears, cards, and candies won't cover up the shit you have to do today. Having one day in the year such as this Valentine's Day (Christmas, Memorial Day, etc) shouldn't be set aside just to celebrate one thing that we encounter everyday. Christmas now is more of a commerce holiday than it is a religious one in such. If you disagree, why are we opening gifts for ourselves to celebrate someone else's birthday? Christmas being the perfect time to have a great holiday...just in time for the year end clearance sales for these major stores owned by conglomerates such as Viacom. Selling all of the year's leftover product for a greater profit than holding onto the product for the new year when it becomes obsolete. Perfect timing, yeah?
Why is Memorial Day set aside as a day that we mourn those that have died for this country unjustly? Why can't we mourn and remember those that have died for this country everyday and not just set aside one day of the year to do so?
I just don't understand why people take the time to "celebrate" these things without truly really realizing why they do so. The media has for more of a greater influence in all of our lives than most of you think. The one day that we all wake up and all of our material possessions are destroyed or disappear will be the day anarchy will reign. That will be the day that people's third eyes' will begin to open. But, until this great day, the general masses will walk around with the media's "horse blinders" covering their third eyes' sight of introspection and visions of the world at large.
I hope and pray one day that the general public will really ask and question themselves on why they do the things they do unwillingly and how senseless the majority of the things we do and believe in are. This day that I talk of is almost upon us. In some shape, form, or fashion, we will all see the truth that we have been blinded from. A revolutionary hip hop artist, Immortal Technique said in a freestyle that "Capitalism being a religion and Satan is its god, we all walk around with idols we worship in our pockets and lives subconsciously." (I think I misquoted the lyrics, but whatever.) It's true! Maybe that day will come. Open up your eyes people before it's too late.
Check out these links:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Third_eye
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Freemasons
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shriners
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Order_of_the_Eastern_Starhttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Masonic_Lodge
Why is Memorial Day set aside as a day that we mourn those that have died for this country unjustly? Why can't we mourn and remember those that have died for this country everyday and not just set aside one day of the year to do so?
I just don't understand why people take the time to "celebrate" these things without truly really realizing why they do so. The media has for more of a greater influence in all of our lives than most of you think. The one day that we all wake up and all of our material possessions are destroyed or disappear will be the day anarchy will reign. That will be the day that people's third eyes' will begin to open. But, until this great day, the general masses will walk around with the media's "horse blinders" covering their third eyes' sight of introspection and visions of the world at large.
I hope and pray one day that the general public will really ask and question themselves on why they do the things they do unwillingly and how senseless the majority of the things we do and believe in are. This day that I talk of is almost upon us. In some shape, form, or fashion, we will all see the truth that we have been blinded from. A revolutionary hip hop artist, Immortal Technique said in a freestyle that "Capitalism being a religion and Satan is its god, we all walk around with idols we worship in our pockets and lives subconsciously." (I think I misquoted the lyrics, but whatever.) It's true! Maybe that day will come. Open up your eyes people before it's too late.
Check out these links:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Third_eye
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Freemasons
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shriners
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Order_of_the_Eastern_Starhttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Masonic_Lodge
Valentine's Day:
You people walk around with your cards, flowers, and teddy bears with open hearts and extra caring because of a specific red cliche of a day. You show your caring extra more for a person today than you do any other day of the year. Why can't you show that everyday instead of feeding into this red cliche shit?
You people walk around with your cards, flowers, and teddy bears with open hearts and extra caring because of a specific red cliche of a day. You show your caring extra more for a person today than you do any other day of the year. Why can't you show that everyday instead of feeding into this red cliche shit?
Monday, February 12, 2007
This Time, I'm Sorry...
"Even though we don't get along, I still love you."
-"Even Though," The Living Legends
This lyric from this song defines what I am feeling for my ex girlfriend. Yea...yea..it was my fault that we broke up in the first place. On Saturday night, I was the drunken ex boyfriend-asshole. I called her drunk and was a little irritated that she wouldn't answer a few of my questions. I can't blame her for not answering me. The drunken college bastard of a ex flame I was seen. I don't know what it is about males, but it really bothers us to know that some other guy is in the picture (even with an ex-girlfriend). Maybe, it's the domineering attribute that us, all as males, carry with us. The jealousy factor of knowing that you aren't the last person she will fuck. It's a strange concept; that vision that all men get that someone else is fucking their ex. Now that's some crazy shit! That's the easiest way to fuck up a man's mind.
I don't even know where to go with this. It's a fucked up world. You choose the shit that looks great in appearance from a distance and drop the substantial. Then, you realize how even the most beautiful from afar can be what's not great for you. I didn't know what I had. I am sorry.
-"Even Though," The Living Legends
This lyric from this song defines what I am feeling for my ex girlfriend. Yea...yea..it was my fault that we broke up in the first place. On Saturday night, I was the drunken ex boyfriend-asshole. I called her drunk and was a little irritated that she wouldn't answer a few of my questions. I can't blame her for not answering me. The drunken college bastard of a ex flame I was seen. I don't know what it is about males, but it really bothers us to know that some other guy is in the picture (even with an ex-girlfriend). Maybe, it's the domineering attribute that us, all as males, carry with us. The jealousy factor of knowing that you aren't the last person she will fuck. It's a strange concept; that vision that all men get that someone else is fucking their ex. Now that's some crazy shit! That's the easiest way to fuck up a man's mind.
I don't even know where to go with this. It's a fucked up world. You choose the shit that looks great in appearance from a distance and drop the substantial. Then, you realize how even the most beautiful from afar can be what's not great for you. I didn't know what I had. I am sorry.
Tuesday, February 6, 2007
I'm Not Your Joe College.
"Take down these photographs, yellowed by years."
-"Carpenters," Mata Hari
I always seem to begin my blogs (or writings in general) with a lyric from a song that seemed to cross my mind at the time of the writing's conception. Topic, topic, TOPIC! Hmm...what shall I write about today? I have no idea what I am going to write about today, so let's call this blog a "freestyle." Whatever comes to my mind is exactly what I will be writing about today.
Confessions:
I would like to confess that I have been anything but an ideal young man that is in the college setting. I haven't been to one class within the past week and a half.
I can be parasitic at times. I have a truly bad temper. I take out all of my frustrations on the people that care about me the most. Through me taking out all of my stress and frustrations out on the closest people to me, they eventually get tired of my shit and leave me alone.
I cut people out of my life because I think I am doing the right thing. I just recently realized that not everyone is out to get me.
I think I have some of the symptoms of being manic depressive, but not completely. I don't know what that would fall under...maybe borderline, I guess. I guess, I would more or less be somewhat bipolar; yes, I do have sudden urges of anger then sadness.
I believe that I will never find anyone that will understand me completely and now I am content with knowing that. It used to bother me to the point of insanity and detachment; it doesn't so much anymore. I am thankful that I can't be read like a Dr. Seuss book.
I would rather be alone than be surrounded by people. I am a loner; I am a recluse. I don't feel the need to be around friends most of the time; I rather enjoy being alone the majority of the time.
My little brother, Jalen (a sibling of mine from the mother's current marriage) has been through more stress in his short six years on this Earth than I have been through in my twenty-two years here.
After my cousin, Prince passed away last month, I promised myself that I would live my life as unconventional as possible rather than follow the "rules" of the norm. If I one day want to get up and fly to Italy, I will do so. Tomorrow is not for certain. Why do we put fences around other selves on what we can do in a certain time frame when most of us may never get that chance to take the big plunge in the great beyond again? Why not just pack all of your things and get out of here if that's what you want to do. We worry too much about work and school than about why we are truly here; we are here to serve our Higher Being (whomever that is to you as an individual) and live as unconventional as possible. I think my purpose in life is to live a life to see as many things as possible before my dying moment rather than slave to the norms of society before taking time to adventure the world.
-"Carpenters," Mata Hari
I always seem to begin my blogs (or writings in general) with a lyric from a song that seemed to cross my mind at the time of the writing's conception. Topic, topic, TOPIC! Hmm...what shall I write about today? I have no idea what I am going to write about today, so let's call this blog a "freestyle." Whatever comes to my mind is exactly what I will be writing about today.
Confessions:
I would like to confess that I have been anything but an ideal young man that is in the college setting. I haven't been to one class within the past week and a half.
I can be parasitic at times. I have a truly bad temper. I take out all of my frustrations on the people that care about me the most. Through me taking out all of my stress and frustrations out on the closest people to me, they eventually get tired of my shit and leave me alone.
I cut people out of my life because I think I am doing the right thing. I just recently realized that not everyone is out to get me.
I think I have some of the symptoms of being manic depressive, but not completely. I don't know what that would fall under...maybe borderline, I guess. I guess, I would more or less be somewhat bipolar; yes, I do have sudden urges of anger then sadness.
I believe that I will never find anyone that will understand me completely and now I am content with knowing that. It used to bother me to the point of insanity and detachment; it doesn't so much anymore. I am thankful that I can't be read like a Dr. Seuss book.
I would rather be alone than be surrounded by people. I am a loner; I am a recluse. I don't feel the need to be around friends most of the time; I rather enjoy being alone the majority of the time.
My little brother, Jalen (a sibling of mine from the mother's current marriage) has been through more stress in his short six years on this Earth than I have been through in my twenty-two years here.
After my cousin, Prince passed away last month, I promised myself that I would live my life as unconventional as possible rather than follow the "rules" of the norm. If I one day want to get up and fly to Italy, I will do so. Tomorrow is not for certain. Why do we put fences around other selves on what we can do in a certain time frame when most of us may never get that chance to take the big plunge in the great beyond again? Why not just pack all of your things and get out of here if that's what you want to do. We worry too much about work and school than about why we are truly here; we are here to serve our Higher Being (whomever that is to you as an individual) and live as unconventional as possible. I think my purpose in life is to live a life to see as many things as possible before my dying moment rather than slave to the norms of society before taking time to adventure the world.
Sunday, February 4, 2007
Back To You.
This weekend was a very blessed one, if I might say so myself. I had to get off of this Eastern Shore of Maryland, so I decided to go to Baltimore to see a few of my friends. The long three-hour Greyhound bus ride Friday night was definitely worth it. Being able to spend, enjoy, and live my life with friends; now that is the true essense of life. That moment of being with someone that you find intriguing and that also excites you; that is what life is made with. Those subliminal reasons for being around your friends because they bring out the best in you and you bring out the best in them; that is what I live for. That is why I am blessed. I thank God for seeing every waking moment when the Sun bursts through my blinds. That first breath of fresh air going through my nostrils and mouth and filling up my lungs; that's what I enjoy the most. We do things such as breathing automatically and take these things for granted. Walking being also one of these gifts that we take for granted as well. But, I pray that I never take these gifts for granted again.
Traveling that far to see friends a year earlier would've been the last thing on my mind. But, I am glad and blessed that my lifestyle is starting to evolve from the selfish young man that I was before into a more wise and spiritual young man. It's interesting and even ironic how even in the event of tragedy, I have found solace within myself to become a more thoughtful man. No longer the selfish kid (well...at times...baby steps...).
God, I'm so thankful!!
Traveling that far to see friends a year earlier would've been the last thing on my mind. But, I am glad and blessed that my lifestyle is starting to evolve from the selfish young man that I was before into a more wise and spiritual young man. It's interesting and even ironic how even in the event of tragedy, I have found solace within myself to become a more thoughtful man. No longer the selfish kid (well...at times...baby steps...).
God, I'm so thankful!!
Thursday, February 1, 2007
Journal Entry Numero 22
So you fucks wanna kick me outta school, huh? Well, I don't know what to tell you. I flew over 3,000 miles to get out here and I damn sure ain't flying back home without my B.A in Marketing. You can try all you want to scare me with this "registration" crap. But, I got a loan yesterday that I was approved for and ready to get assessed into my student account. But, oh, yeah...I might get put out of this college because it has to be completely paid by tomorrow, right? No worries. I will be blessed.
The Lord didn't bring me this far to leave me. I just want to graduate so that I can go to grad school overseas, meet a beautiful woman with an infectious accent, and try to shun out the masons before martial law begins.
The Lord didn't bring me this far to leave me. I just want to graduate so that I can go to grad school overseas, meet a beautiful woman with an infectious accent, and try to shun out the masons before martial law begins.
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