Yes, I do write down and publish all of my feelings on these blogs for the world to see. "Why the hell would you put your business out there like that?" Because I have the right to write about anything that comes to my mind. I don't feel the need to write the typical college "frat boy-esque...Damn I got hella drunk at the mega kegger last night" type of blogs like most. Writing about my pains and struggles in essence does make me feel better.
To sit here and write two poems that are utterly vivid and morbid in imagery then have the balls to put them on the internet was a little risque. But, then again, I have no problem with people seeing who I really am. Most people would take it as "airing my dirty laundry out" in public; I take it as releasing a lot of aggression.
Everyone that I know has someone that they can talk to about any problem that may be occurring in their lives; I don't have such a luxury. When I finally give another human being a chance to see me for all of my many flaws, imperfections, and pitfalls, eventually they find a way to sabotage our friendship. Well, I guess it's not really a friendship. It's more like an association. We become associates only with a temporary time line. It always seems to happen with the people I consider great friends, but then learn I am not considered as great of a friend in their eye sight.
There has been times in my life when the majority of the people that I have encountered were not on the same wavelength as me. I have many friends...well, associates...that I can't talk to about my deepest most inner believes about the world at large because they won't understand. But, then again, I have had maybe two people that I considered associates that were on the same wavelength as me that understood my politics completely. This leads me to my point. I have finally met some one that I thought was on the same wavelength as me, but turned out to think that they were beyond my understanding of the world at large.
The irony of speaking to someone everyday for hours upon hours (via text message literally from 7:00 A.M.-7:00P.M.) for almost 3 months to hear about what great things "whatcha ma call it" is doing in New Orleans or how "so and so" is in grad school in New York and eventually finding out you aren't even mentioned at all to any of the people she mentions all the time.
Some things I can't forget; some things you will regret.
Saturday, December 23, 2006
Thursday, December 21, 2006
The Nine Lives Effect
"Another mannequin when all I wanted was a friend."
A line from a song I wrote earlier this year. I like to say sometimes that we are all like cats; we have nine lives as well. Some say that it's more like a new chapter in their lives when they turn the page of one situation or phase in their life and move onto the next. But, as for me I like to consider it like a metamorphosis. It's like my analogy about being cat-like, every hardship in my life was made me stronger. I have grown to have a greater perspective on the world at large (I really like that saying, "World at large"). Every soap opera-esque episode that I have encountered in my life has made me that much stronger as a human being. Going through the hardships of my life felt like I have shed off layers of skin as serpents do. Parts of me die with every chapter in my life. I grow stronger in a positive aspect, but also, I grow darker.
From learning or even realizing that you aren't the "muse" to someone to realizing that you were a part of some one's dramatic and brutal soap opera are some of the things that have caused me to die more than once. Therefore, my friends, the feline species and I have a lot in common. We both would rather be alone; we both die more than once to blossom up and live once more.
P.S. Old habits do die hard; excuse me for my resentment, S.T.
A line from a song I wrote earlier this year. I like to say sometimes that we are all like cats; we have nine lives as well. Some say that it's more like a new chapter in their lives when they turn the page of one situation or phase in their life and move onto the next. But, as for me I like to consider it like a metamorphosis. It's like my analogy about being cat-like, every hardship in my life was made me stronger. I have grown to have a greater perspective on the world at large (I really like that saying, "World at large"). Every soap opera-esque episode that I have encountered in my life has made me that much stronger as a human being. Going through the hardships of my life felt like I have shed off layers of skin as serpents do. Parts of me die with every chapter in my life. I grow stronger in a positive aspect, but also, I grow darker.
From learning or even realizing that you aren't the "muse" to someone to realizing that you were a part of some one's dramatic and brutal soap opera are some of the things that have caused me to die more than once. Therefore, my friends, the feline species and I have a lot in common. We both would rather be alone; we both die more than once to blossom up and live once more.
P.S. Old habits do die hard; excuse me for my resentment, S.T.
Monday, December 18, 2006
Kids Bleeding For Your Merry Christmas.
I haven't written a blog in a while. Well...it's only been a few days, but I usually write a blog everyday.
There kids right now making the dolls, clothes, and shoes that you are craving on Christmas day. Large companies (such as Nike, Wal-Mart, Lacoste, Polo, etc) have "manufactoring warehouses" where thousands of native kids in these third-world countries (such as Indonesia, Pakistan, Taiwan, etc.) are paid less than an equivalent of 100 U.S. dollars a month. You have children as young as five years old working in these "manufactoring warehouses." One of the laws that is imposed on the laborers in manfacturing your over-priced material goods (such as your $90 dollar Lacoste polo shirt that costs only $2 dollars to make) is the laborers are not allowed to go to school.
The meager income that these children recieve is just enough to get enough food for the family. These children are not educated, and work under some extremely harsh and dangerous conditions. But, I'm sure after you open your gifts, realize that you have another pair of Prada or Jordan shoes, hangbags (to add to your closet to collect dust) you will forget about what it took for you to even see these overly-priced goods. There are people starving and being in a modern day slavery that we call "cheap labor" so that little Travis and little Janee can play with their Mattel toys. There is a six-year old Filipino boy that worked in a sweatshop bare foot sweating from the sweltering 90 degree heat of the warehouse to sew your thousand dollar Dolce & Gabbana gown. All of these material things mean nothing. You are spending hundreds upon thousands of dollars on material goods just to cover up all of your many insecurities. You are buying things that won't make you consciously feel better, but subconsciously make you feel better. A temporary void that is filled within you when you open that gift to see some diamond earrings that some West African kids bled over. Kids having their hands severed over these diamonds. We are all spending unneccessary amounts of money to feel our many voids, so that these conglomerates can continue to reap the benefits of our ignorance. This will continue to occur as long as these corporations are in control of our world's consumerism. Just remember next time when you go to Bloomingdale's and spend $300 dollars on a pair of Chloe glasses that you are contributing to child slavery.
Check out this site:
http://endchildlabor.org
There kids right now making the dolls, clothes, and shoes that you are craving on Christmas day. Large companies (such as Nike, Wal-Mart, Lacoste, Polo, etc) have "manufactoring warehouses" where thousands of native kids in these third-world countries (such as Indonesia, Pakistan, Taiwan, etc.) are paid less than an equivalent of 100 U.S. dollars a month. You have children as young as five years old working in these "manufactoring warehouses." One of the laws that is imposed on the laborers in manfacturing your over-priced material goods (such as your $90 dollar Lacoste polo shirt that costs only $2 dollars to make) is the laborers are not allowed to go to school.
The meager income that these children recieve is just enough to get enough food for the family. These children are not educated, and work under some extremely harsh and dangerous conditions. But, I'm sure after you open your gifts, realize that you have another pair of Prada or Jordan shoes, hangbags (to add to your closet to collect dust) you will forget about what it took for you to even see these overly-priced goods. There are people starving and being in a modern day slavery that we call "cheap labor" so that little Travis and little Janee can play with their Mattel toys. There is a six-year old Filipino boy that worked in a sweatshop bare foot sweating from the sweltering 90 degree heat of the warehouse to sew your thousand dollar Dolce & Gabbana gown. All of these material things mean nothing. You are spending hundreds upon thousands of dollars on material goods just to cover up all of your many insecurities. You are buying things that won't make you consciously feel better, but subconsciously make you feel better. A temporary void that is filled within you when you open that gift to see some diamond earrings that some West African kids bled over. Kids having their hands severed over these diamonds. We are all spending unneccessary amounts of money to feel our many voids, so that these conglomerates can continue to reap the benefits of our ignorance. This will continue to occur as long as these corporations are in control of our world's consumerism. Just remember next time when you go to Bloomingdale's and spend $300 dollars on a pair of Chloe glasses that you are contributing to child slavery.
Check out this site:
http://endchildlabor.org
Monday, December 11, 2006
Modern Day Slavery.
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I know this is going to go over most of your heads, but watch the entire video before you judge. Maybe, next time you will think before you start to snap dance, Chicken Noodle Soup, or go dumb.
A minstrel show is a form of entertainment used to degrade blacks. The white performers used coal to cover their faces completely black and even black performers (knowing that they wouldn't be able to find any other acting jobs) did so as well. It originated in the United States and in Europe as well during slavery and continues on even today.
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Maybe next time the snap dance won't seem so cool, and then again most of you that just watched these videos are going to keep doing your slave dances anyway because everyone else is.
I know this is going to go over most of your heads, but watch the entire video before you judge. Maybe, next time you will think before you start to snap dance, Chicken Noodle Soup, or go dumb.
A minstrel show is a form of entertainment used to degrade blacks. The white performers used coal to cover their faces completely black and even black performers (knowing that they wouldn't be able to find any other acting jobs) did so as well. It originated in the United States and in Europe as well during slavery and continues on even today.
.. width="425" height="350">..>
.. width="425" height="350">..>
Maybe next time the snap dance won't seem so cool, and then again most of you that just watched these videos are going to keep doing your slave dances anyway because everyone else is.
Saturday, December 9, 2006
Weathered.
12/5/06
The notes from hearing Chris from that familiar and strangely-popular band, Coldplay danced in his ears. The thoughts and memories of that one person that he treated like shit because she wasn’t beautiful enough or even thin enough. The feeling of walking down the desolate road towards his farmhouse from the illuminated campus in his background bringing clear pearls from his eyes. Black pupils were now prevalent were there once were bright brown eyes. The first chords of the piano in the song “Trouble” reminding him of how much trouble he had been to everyone who had ever loved him. The thought of wanting to just get up and jump off the edge of the two-story balcony outside his room became more evident. But, he repressed this thought for he knew that his family and friends would need him eventually. Even if not now; eventually they would need him.
Peering back and forth, forward and backward throughout his room in the dim light of the 5:24 evening, he realized something that he hadn’t before ever in his life. He had never felt so low ever, and he began to question why he was feeling low now. “Oh…never mind…I know why,” he replied to himself as the first haunting cords of his favorite band, Chevelle’s song, “Closure” began to play in the background. Hearing this song helped him realize that he had destroyed any kind of relationship with anyone that truly gave a shit about him. Any great soul of a woman in his life, he couldn’t realize how much of a jewel had stood in his presence. He would find ways of sabotaging their interaction. But then in return, months later with another female he cared for more, he would treat her subconsciously better than he had the one that gave a fuck about him in the first place. Karma would then bite him in the ass for hurting the previous girl that cared for him by the current female pulling some kind of a stunt to sabotage their friendship/relationship/whatever you want to call it.
“Do I ever cross your mind…anytime/ do you ever wake up reaching out for me?” he swayed back and forth remembering the one he shouldn’t have left. The remaining minutes of “Anytime” by Brian McKnight pushing him more into the reason why he sat in his room alone in the first place. “I miss you….I miss you…I miss you.”
The notes from hearing Chris from that familiar and strangely-popular band, Coldplay danced in his ears. The thoughts and memories of that one person that he treated like shit because she wasn’t beautiful enough or even thin enough. The feeling of walking down the desolate road towards his farmhouse from the illuminated campus in his background bringing clear pearls from his eyes. Black pupils were now prevalent were there once were bright brown eyes. The first chords of the piano in the song “Trouble” reminding him of how much trouble he had been to everyone who had ever loved him. The thought of wanting to just get up and jump off the edge of the two-story balcony outside his room became more evident. But, he repressed this thought for he knew that his family and friends would need him eventually. Even if not now; eventually they would need him.
Peering back and forth, forward and backward throughout his room in the dim light of the 5:24 evening, he realized something that he hadn’t before ever in his life. He had never felt so low ever, and he began to question why he was feeling low now. “Oh…never mind…I know why,” he replied to himself as the first haunting cords of his favorite band, Chevelle’s song, “Closure” began to play in the background. Hearing this song helped him realize that he had destroyed any kind of relationship with anyone that truly gave a shit about him. Any great soul of a woman in his life, he couldn’t realize how much of a jewel had stood in his presence. He would find ways of sabotaging their interaction. But then in return, months later with another female he cared for more, he would treat her subconsciously better than he had the one that gave a fuck about him in the first place. Karma would then bite him in the ass for hurting the previous girl that cared for him by the current female pulling some kind of a stunt to sabotage their friendship/relationship/whatever you want to call it.
“Do I ever cross your mind…anytime/ do you ever wake up reaching out for me?” he swayed back and forth remembering the one he shouldn’t have left. The remaining minutes of “Anytime” by Brian McKnight pushing him more into the reason why he sat in his room alone in the first place. “I miss you….I miss you…I miss you.”
Thursday, December 7, 2006
"These ashes have covered this town..."
A quote from a song that definitely describes my mood right now, "Carpenters" by Mata Hari. A very sad song it is and I honestly am very melonchaoly at times so it describes my mood. In this blog, there will be no hate poems to show how bitter and cold I have become due to someone's defense mechonism of destroying me to defend themselves. I don't mean to sit here and type away on a complete tangent, but I don't have a topic for this blog.
The reason why I write these blogs (almost everyday) is very simple; it makes me feel better to write all of my thoughts, plights, and pitfalls for the public to see. Months ago, I never would have made my pain so public, but I felt that people that know me needed to finally meet the "darker" side of Kevin. I normally would have wrote the most darkly vivid writings in my poem book for no one to see. I'm not just "that kid from Cali," I am a very introverted individual emotionally to most people and it was time that I release some of my aggression. It was definite time that I showed you people that a man can show his emotions (no matter how vulnerable) to the public they are. There's nothing wrong with a man crying, but as dark and detached as I am, it is very hard for me to shed tears. I guess that's why most of my creative writing (poetry and short stories) are so vivid with depressing imagery.
In a sense, I don't cry (myself); I let my writings do the sobbing for me.
A quote from a song that definitely describes my mood right now, "Carpenters" by Mata Hari. A very sad song it is and I honestly am very melonchaoly at times so it describes my mood. In this blog, there will be no hate poems to show how bitter and cold I have become due to someone's defense mechonism of destroying me to defend themselves. I don't mean to sit here and type away on a complete tangent, but I don't have a topic for this blog.
The reason why I write these blogs (almost everyday) is very simple; it makes me feel better to write all of my thoughts, plights, and pitfalls for the public to see. Months ago, I never would have made my pain so public, but I felt that people that know me needed to finally meet the "darker" side of Kevin. I normally would have wrote the most darkly vivid writings in my poem book for no one to see. I'm not just "that kid from Cali," I am a very introverted individual emotionally to most people and it was time that I release some of my aggression. It was definite time that I showed you people that a man can show his emotions (no matter how vulnerable) to the public they are. There's nothing wrong with a man crying, but as dark and detached as I am, it is very hard for me to shed tears. I guess that's why most of my creative writing (poetry and short stories) are so vivid with depressing imagery.
In a sense, I don't cry (myself); I let my writings do the sobbing for me.
Tuesday, December 5, 2006
Conformity.
More and more, whining about the eastern shore of Maryland sucking! LOL. I don't mean to write these BS blogs as of late but I am really ready to go back home to Cali and I am sick of all of these kids at this boring college....Hmmm....let's pick a topic for the day...conformity!
Conformity is the act of conforming to something. Not neccessarily to anything that is good for you, but acutally submitting to doing something just because it is the "normal" thing to do. Everyone conforms to something...the whole act of going to college to get a good job is an act of conformity that most of us have done in our lifetimes because it is what is taught in our society that is the right thing to do to become successful in life. But, if going to college to get a great job is how to be successful in life, then I guess people like the kid that started Napster (who didn't even finish high school) wouldn't be considered a success, right? I believe that this is all bullshit!
No one should have to spend thousands of dollars that they don't have for four to five years of their lives to become "successful business people for our future." I hate the whole idea of conformity and its taboos that it places on people that don't conform to what is the "right thing to do." It really pisses me off how there are people in the world that can easily do the occupational traits of certain white-collar jobs (such as an executive of a marketing firm or an advertising executive), but since they didn't have the money to invest four years of their lives being miseducated of how the world is to get a piece of paper saying "Hey, I went to college! Hire me!," they aren't given the opportunity to these jobs.
Conforming to the bullshit of society's "invisible laws of success" stretches far beyond those of the educational and financial realm. Doing, liking, listening to, and viewing certain things is an act of conformity. We are in the delta state when we are just sitting there in front of television sets. During this point of the delta state is when we are most "sponge-like" to absorbing information. "GO BUY A NISSAN...GO BUY AN iPOD...GO BUY A LEXUS (subtext: Even though you can't afford it) GO FILL OUR POCKETS WITH EXTREME AMOUNTS OF WEALTH!"
I know that went over most of your heads, but I hope eventually that you will understand that my point is that we all in some sense conform to things even if we don't want to. Ask certain young people why they dress certain ways, and they might tell you because it's "cool." But, who the hell told them what they were wearing was cool in the first place? Is it maybe because they seen it on the TV set a million times (subliminally) while watching "The Real World" or "106 n Park?" Most likely, yes!
Conformity is the one thing that keeps most people as mental prisoners. Learn to step out of the box and say "Fuck it!" To care what other people think about you is to conform to things, and I (for one) am not cool with this whole "college to get a good job" shit! I am a marketing major and I know for sure that I will not be using my degree in the future. What a waste of money, right? I can't just drop out of college and start my own indie bookstore, indie radio station, zine (an independent magazine, in a sense full of radical thoughts, essays, and poems...also art) or website like I want to. But, I want to.
Conformity is the act of conforming to something. Not neccessarily to anything that is good for you, but acutally submitting to doing something just because it is the "normal" thing to do. Everyone conforms to something...the whole act of going to college to get a good job is an act of conformity that most of us have done in our lifetimes because it is what is taught in our society that is the right thing to do to become successful in life. But, if going to college to get a great job is how to be successful in life, then I guess people like the kid that started Napster (who didn't even finish high school) wouldn't be considered a success, right? I believe that this is all bullshit!
No one should have to spend thousands of dollars that they don't have for four to five years of their lives to become "successful business people for our future." I hate the whole idea of conformity and its taboos that it places on people that don't conform to what is the "right thing to do." It really pisses me off how there are people in the world that can easily do the occupational traits of certain white-collar jobs (such as an executive of a marketing firm or an advertising executive), but since they didn't have the money to invest four years of their lives being miseducated of how the world is to get a piece of paper saying "Hey, I went to college! Hire me!," they aren't given the opportunity to these jobs.
Conforming to the bullshit of society's "invisible laws of success" stretches far beyond those of the educational and financial realm. Doing, liking, listening to, and viewing certain things is an act of conformity. We are in the delta state when we are just sitting there in front of television sets. During this point of the delta state is when we are most "sponge-like" to absorbing information. "GO BUY A NISSAN...GO BUY AN iPOD...GO BUY A LEXUS (subtext: Even though you can't afford it) GO FILL OUR POCKETS WITH EXTREME AMOUNTS OF WEALTH!"
I know that went over most of your heads, but I hope eventually that you will understand that my point is that we all in some sense conform to things even if we don't want to. Ask certain young people why they dress certain ways, and they might tell you because it's "cool." But, who the hell told them what they were wearing was cool in the first place? Is it maybe because they seen it on the TV set a million times (subliminally) while watching "The Real World" or "106 n Park?" Most likely, yes!
Conformity is the one thing that keeps most people as mental prisoners. Learn to step out of the box and say "Fuck it!" To care what other people think about you is to conform to things, and I (for one) am not cool with this whole "college to get a good job" shit! I am a marketing major and I know for sure that I will not be using my degree in the future. What a waste of money, right? I can't just drop out of college and start my own indie bookstore, indie radio station, zine (an independent magazine, in a sense full of radical thoughts, essays, and poems...also art) or website like I want to. But, I want to.
Reflecting on Maryland.
So for most of you, you already know that I hate Maryland (well...I hate the college I'm at) and it is damn near official that I will not be coming back to this state ever again! I am happy and therefore will be moving back home to Cali where I belong away from this God-forsaken college and state. No more clones walking around me on this level like it is here. Yea...yeah...there are clones through out the whole world, but when you live in some place as undiverse as Maryland, you notice how most of the people here are conformists. Don't get me wrong! I met a few cool people from Maryland, but for the most part, most of them sucked! For the majority of the people I met from here, they were extremely close-minded and ignorant to the world at large. The world doesn't revolve around go go music and PG County. LOL. It's funny how ignorant human beings can be when they haven't been exposed to anything other than what is surrounded around them within their 200 mile radius. Most of the kids I met at this college haven't even been outside of the region of the East Coast. I guess if I had never left California I would be ignorant as well...but oh...opps...that's right...I live in one of the most diverse regions in the world!
P.S. Everything I wrote above is just strictly my thoughts and if you take it up the ass because you're from Maryland, oh well!
P.S. Everything I wrote above is just strictly my thoughts and if you take it up the ass because you're from Maryland, oh well!
Saturday, December 2, 2006
Somethings Are Meant To Be Different.
Maybe next time don't ridicule a person for being different. You never know what they might be going through.
Posers!
I am getting sick of seeing how these kids are walking around with their skate park chains, punk rock belts, Van's, and rock tee's just because of what Jim Jones and Lupe Fiasco are wearing in their videos. This is bullshit! They used to clown and degrade black kids that actually we were skaters and punk rock fans for dressing this way, now it's a "cool" thing to do this shit. Go ask them if they know how to hit an alloy or if they can name a song by the band they're wearing on their shirt, and they'll look at you like you're stupid.
It's funny how the mainstream can change a whole people's perception on something that used to be a subculture.
Fuckin posers!
It's funny how the mainstream can change a whole people's perception on something that used to be a subculture.
Fuckin posers!
Friday, December 1, 2006
This Isn't Good At All.
Walking through the greyness that is known as December, the unusual warmth and humidity I feel from the atmosphere here in this Northeastern state startles me. Normally this time of year, I would be walking around with a heavy wool peat coat and a hoodie, but why am I wearing a thin black zip-up hoodie that's made for the Spring comfortably? Every year I have been here on the East Coast at college, I have noticed how warm it seems to get every year. Maybe I will keep a log of the weekly temperatures every Friday and average out the monthly temperatures starting from November to the first Friday of March. Yeah...yeah...it sounds hella dorky, but people, we definitely have a HUGE problem on our hands! My second year of college (2004) I remember it being in credibly freezing by December. Well, at least that point of the year, I had a heavy coat on. I remember coming back to school for the Spring semester of 05 and it being about 33 degrees with snow and ice everywhere! I remember almost busting my ass trying to walk over ice. But, the irony of coming back for the Spring semester of 2006 (this year), I remember I was wearing a white T-shirt comfortably at the end of January!!! This is definitely not good.
Averaging temperatures of about 62 to 65 degrees for November of this year in Maryland is not a good thing at all!! We are definitely in for a rude awakening. Hell, there should be snow on the ground right now! And why the hell was it colder at home in the Bay Area than it was here last week?!?!? Bad things, man...bad things.
Averaging temperatures of about 62 to 65 degrees for November of this year in Maryland is not a good thing at all!! We are definitely in for a rude awakening. Hell, there should be snow on the ground right now! And why the hell was it colder at home in the Bay Area than it was here last week?!?!? Bad things, man...bad things.
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