It's alright

I write this to the make it extremely evident that I am falling through these verbal mouse traps of games with this female in particular. This is for the two women in the world still living and breathing that have been nothing but leeches in sucking the very blood from my body and feelings. The two women whom seem to have nothing to do better but judge and exploit my insecurities upon their belligerence. The two women that have nothing better to do than make themselves extremely vulnerable to my belligerence by showing me how cold they are to being cared for by a man. The two women that have refreshed my memory of how some women that I have encountered when they have the opportunity to love and care for a man and realizing that man begins to care for them as well will begin to desensitize themselves to that man. The two women that begin to realize that they care for that man cut themselves short of the feelings and possible future pains and aches by becoming cold and detached. Detaching themselves from that man so they don't have to feel.

...this is what it sounds like when doves cry die

10:33 PM
i sit here
at this laptop
and i ask myself what does it feel like to die
what does it feel like to watch someone cry
the night their mom, dad, brother, and sister died
i fell yet and split my lip the gist to get by
realized in the moonlight that you wished i would die
forgive me if you must for i gust out one last sigh
you watched my autodafe at the stake burned to a crisp, walk on by
another bitch in the proverbs of my notebook as i let my pen cry
and this is what it sounds like when doves die.

People In Planes

I am writing again; I am listening to "Falling By The Wayside" by a hell of a great band from the UK, People in Planes. I bought their LP "As Far As The Eye Can See" back in January at the best indie record store in the world, Amoeba Records in San Francisco and haven't been able to stop playing it since. Whether you like rock or not, this LP is one of those albums that even the most close-minded music fan might be able to enjoy. It's just pure rock music. The sense of simple baselines and a front man that can actually sing his ass off is something that is hard to find in a rock band nowadays. I would hella recommend you to buy this LP when you get a chance.

Overall Album Grade-85 percent...hella good!

People In Planes - Falling By The Wayside
Download Music Video Code at Roxwel

A Simple Writing

I am here sitting with this laptop on my lap tonight on this Friday watching my pirated copy of "300" playing on the television in the background completely bored. I have realized, well...I have had more of a "coming of age" lesson today. I have attained this meaning of human survival for one's feelings from an acquaintance of mine. It's not everyday that you get the opportunity to learn these little life lessons from the closest individuals to you (or so you may think). Neithertheless, I still sit here at this laptop typing away at the feelings of resentment and chagrin from a somewhat of a "friend." The quotes around the word "friend" for this person isn't and should not and shall not be considered a friend anymore. This person...well...I could easily say their name, but I am choosing not to be so malicious in my ways has no idea how close they were to coming a little closer to me.

But, as most of the other skeltons in the closet, she will probably fail and fall by the wayside as her predecessors was done before her. Why am I not even surprised? But, what can you do when a person doesn't see the things in you that you have seen within them? Do you just get up and walk out of the door of their life, or do you try to be a better friend than they were to you? I shall not consider you a "friend" anymore; you were never a friend of mine in the first place.

On a lighter note, I hope that everyone enjoys this weekend as I will. Tonight is chapter anew; goodbye for now.

Wonder What's Next

A major set of changes are headed my way in next few days when I get back home to California. Things aren't looking up for me at this point in time. I have my own routine now in trying to not care or even feel about what's around the corner. but, yet I can't help but to peek around the corner and wonder what's next. I have to find a way to pay rent once a month by July, and I also have to figure what I am going to do with my life once I get home for good. I don't feel very happy about being in Maryland at this college, and I had came to this conclusion months ago that I would just go back home to California to finish college, get my own place, and live independently. But, in essence, that is one hell of a scare for me! I don't know what the hell I am doing or where the hell I am going in life. My grades aren't the greatest from this semester, and I honestly don't think there's a bat's chance in hell that I will be accepted into this small liberal arts college in the Bay Area, Menlo College. Friends of mine that go to college at home, either live at home with their parents still comfortably, or have their own places. Usually, their parents are paying their rent monthly so that they can completely focus on obtaining their collegiate degrees. But, as for me, when I go home, I don't have a place I can call home. I don't have a room of my own to go to in my own home. I am jumping around constantly from one house to the other of family members. I can't stay at my mother's because there's just too much stress over there, and at my father's place, there's no space for me. I hope that going home isn't setting myself up for failure, but it feels that way.

"That will be 30 dollars please for your NIN album."

A friend of mine sent me this blog that was written by Nine Inch Nails front man, Trent Reznor.

http://nin.com/tr/

Who in their right mind state would pay close to 30 dollars for an album? I don't give a damn if the album is supposed to be the greatest thing ever written or recorded; there is no way in hell I would spend close to 30 bucks on an album. Hell...I don't even spend over 10 bucks on albums if you catch my drift. Thank you, Amoeba Records (California-based independent record store) and my favorite music site for making good music hella cheap (or even free). I bought ten albums at Amoeba records in San Francisco in January for less than 30 dollars! Believe it or not. I got Atreyu's first album for 1 DOLLAR!!!

So why would I spend close to twenty-five dollars for an Avril Lavigne CD? Exactly! I wouldn't!

The 'c' in mainstream rap is silent!

This is an article that I found while searching Google with the tag, "anti mainstream rap."

http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/collective/A1064170

It's a trip how the mainstream rap that is absorbed and suppressed through the eardrums of most youth and people in general is extremely redundant in all ways. It's as simple as this: Would you rather have 200 albums of the same 5 rappers you see on MTV/BET and hear on your FM radio dial rapping about completely redundant and mundane topics? Or would you rather have thousands of CD's from a various amount of artists in the underground hip hop game that rap about more than jewelry, cars, drugs, and sex?

The choice is very simple! One million points for underground hip hop, ZERO for mainstream rap! (The 'c' in 'rap' is silent).

DAMN! That was so funny, I forgot to laugh. No really..I forgot to laugh.

It's kind of interesting how we as minorities (blacks especially) are the scapegoats and entertainers for people of Anglo-Saxon descent. The brunt of all jokes, I guess. I know this video above is completely and utterly ignorant in all of its intent to marginalize and degrade all black people into one stupid and utterly feeble-minded attempt at comedic fruition. Yes, I do realize that to those of you that aren't of Black descent will consider this merely a simple joke, but it isn't. This is the kind of buffoonery and lackluster attempts of comedic skits and vignettes that grace the TV screens. This skit in particular came from a show on the FUSE network called "The Whitest Kids You Know." You can also find skits of the "Hitler Rap" and of "Timmy Poops His Pants" on their YouTube account. I didn't realize that my generation was so absorbed with championing mediocrity through the arenas and venues of mainstream TV channels, magazines and websites. But, yes...these guys on "The Whitest Kids You Know" are basically just following in the footsteps of MTV's "Jackass." What could you expect from pseudo aspiring actors that received prime time TV slots on two very prominent networks owned by the same conglomerate corporation? Exactly! Nothing much, right?

Why must my generation be known as the 'lazy, ignorant and completely insipid' generation? Why must we be consumed with exalting mediocrity through our arenas of entertainment? I don't see what's funny or even amusing about this kind of crap! But, go figure.

...I write bombs with ink blots...(Freestyle Numero Vingt-Neuf) 28

Sometimes I sit at this desk and I have nothing to write about at the time of my writing's conception, but it is almost instantaneously that a topic seems to pop into my mind when I began to type. I am going to consider this blog a freestyle; there will be no formal structure to this writing. Sometimes, writing exercises such as this help to shape a writer's imagination and thinking process for their future writings. I was taught that writing freestyle everything that comes to your mind at the time was a great way to bring out everything that you wanted to say for the past couple of days that just didn't seem to come out in words or even text. When you write something that is extremely formal, you have to make sure that you are writing something that is ultimately perfect and flawless as can be. When a person writes something formally, they stop to think of what they should and shouldn't write. Writer restricts themselves when they write formal things such as articles, essay, etc.

Other than writing these blogs about two to three times a week on average, I also keep a notebook of poems and a journal that I write in quite frequently. Generally when I write my blogs, I try to think out a topic to write about that will make sense to most people, but when I write in my journal and book of poems, I could careless if I have misspellings or poor grammar. I guess this will be considered the first time that I published one of my blogs without any particular format or even a structure. Oh, well!

I will be back at home in California for good on the 18th of this month! Thank God! I haven't seen a palm tree or a beach since January! More importantly, I haven't seen any of my friends or family since January! But, with the grace of God, I pray that I will at least get to see all of them at least one more time.

Oh, yeah! I'm not coming back to this college; I'm transferring to Menlo College back home in the Bay Area in California!