My Introspection

We all can learn a thing or two from the human interactions we have. From the most insignificant person you pass by on the subway car to the person you love the most; all can teach us more about ourselves. Introspection will be the topic of this writing.

Bluntess

I have learned more about myself through my interactions with other people. I have learned (especially through female interaction) that I am a lot more blunt than the average person. I have been told that I have no problem with holding my tongue (I see no problem with this). This is something I believe that everyone should do. To be blunt (by society's standards) is to be an "asshole," but to me to be blunt is to be truly honest. We were taught by the world that speaking our minds at all times is an assertive thing; a taboo. To be blunt is to be that guy that is an abrasive asshole, or to be an outrageous bitch (if you are an female). From meeting many different women in my life, I have told all of them to be extremely blunt with me from the day we start talking. I would rather have something be a papercut in a matter of days than be a severed limp within a matter of months (even years). If you don't understand my analogy, all I'm saying is I would rather have someone be blunt and hurt my feelings with something brand new than beat around the bush for a prolonged period of time and hurt my feeling then.

No More Fake Smiles & Laughs!!!
I have no problem with not speaking to someone if we aren't cool. If you don't like me, please don't speak! Don't pretend that you give a shit about me when you see me passing you by with a fake "HEYYYY!" That is so juvenile! But, I have grown to realize that even people my grandparents' age do it as a way of "common courtesy." But, what I ask you (as the reader) is, "What is the damn point of pretending?!?!? Why act like you give a shit about someone when you see them, then talk behind their back when they're gone?!?!?" But this is also another element within me (like my bluntness) that shapes my introspection.

Conclusion

I have learned from other people, that I am extremely blunt and I don't pretend to like people when I see them. Most would call me a"rude, arrogant asshole for speaking his mind all the time and not speaking to those that really don't give a shit about him." I honestly, don't give a damn what people think about me! If you don't like me, don't say "Hello" like you give a damn about me. And rather than saying you will be blunt with me from day one (and knowing you can't do that), just cut me off if it's too much for you. LOL. We are all not for the land of bluntness.

Love is...

"And everyone in his life might think that it is love."
-Atmosphere, "Fuck You Lucy"
album:..God Loves Ugly

Usually I have a topic to write on, but today I have absolutely nothing that I want to get off of my chest at this point in time. I can easily make a "Hey, I gotta hella drunk and did something stupid" cliche frat boy-esque blog, but I actually like to use my brain when I writing a blog (or anything else written). Ok, I have a topic...!

Love! Now, before I get on this topic of love, I would like to tell you (as the reader) that I am solely writing this blog based on ONLY my personal experience (well, also, my parent's experiences as well). I find it kind of strange how a person can be a complete recluse (such as myself) one day, then be overstruck with this feeling of love. It can change your total outlook on the world and life in general. Love is the one human emotion that controls all others (pain, happiness, anger, jealousy, confidence, loneliness, fear, and closure) In the next few lines, I will explain how love truly does "conquer" all (Well, more like conquers all other human emotions).

If you love someone, you at first have to put confidence in that person that they will make you happy before you take that huge risk on giving them your heart. Sometimes, the love connection you have with someone else is mutual. But, most times, that love connection is unrequited. This unrequited love you may have for somewhat may leave you feeling lonely and fearful that the person you trusted didn't care about you at all! When the person you love has left you, you become angry that they will find someone new. Eventually when they find someone new, you feel jealous that you could not be that one they care for anymore. Finally, you have to realize that you will no longer be a part of this person's life, and this my friends is called "closure."

As you can see, love truly does "conquer" all. Without the emotion of love, none of the other human emotions (that I mentioned) can be driven. You need love (passion) to feel jealous, fearful, lonely, closure, confident, happy, and angry. This is why I (for one) would rather there be no love emotion in my life. Love is a smoke screen for pain. Pain is what you will feel when that person doesn't care for you like you did them. There is no such thing as mutual love. Someone will always love more than the other person. That's why in marriages, spouse A can cheat on Spouse B, and the Spouse B that's been cheated on will stay with Spouse A through the painful struggle that we all like to consider so beautiful, "love." And once you get over that person (which most of us never do), you will feel loneliness. Loneliness is the one emotion that I wish I could do without! Loneliness makes you want someone there. Loneliness is the reason why all of us want to love and feel loved. But, honestly, how do you really know if someone really gives a shit about you in the first place?!?!? You will never know! All you will know is if you really will love them. And the saddest insecurity about life is that you can love someone your whole life, and they may never feel the same way about you.

Closure Room

“Write a story,” Kevin told himself as he stared at his reflection in the mirror. He could hear the echo of heavy bass in the background shaking the hell out of his walls of his house. “Hmm…yes…that’s some more bubble gum shit,” he told himself. His lips pressed against one another, pupils hitting 360’s in the back of his skull as another BET Minstrel Show rapper’s trash (I mean, excuse me, music) blared through out the whole house. His forehead bore the parallels of a Hanes T-shirt in a closet, wrinkled and in dyer need of ironing. His eyes gazed around the four-cornered living room, peering at his imaginary company around him. Shrugging his shoulders and welcoming the phone call of an ex-girlfriend while the television watched itself. The sunlight no longer pressed through the Venetian blinds; the air outside began to kiss the windows leaving a frosty dew reminding him of the wet kisses we used to get from an ex flame. Yes…the one he shouldn’t have left for “her.” His lips now chapped and in need of his occasional tongue to keep them moist and his eyes still entertaining his imaginary company that stared back at him tearing two abysses through his skull. The lights on his phone starting to flash as his pupils grew wider and his lips parted showing all of his 58 teeth; only to be replaced back again with more wrinkles in his forehead and a heavy gust of wind leaving his mouth. The caller I.D. read a phone number that was over ten digits and started with the digits, “011.” For he was in Maryland at a farmhouse on his college campus sitting in his living room as the Sun died being suffocated by Night, and he knew that “she” in the UK wasn’t even thinking about him. Like she said, he could easily be replaced.

Commercial Trash (That you call music)

You know what the most interesting reason why people listen to this commercial trash that they consider "music" is because...well, it's the only kind of music that they know. Most people think that..."Hey, if you're an artist that's not on MTV or BET, then you most definitely might as well be considered crap!"
I laugh at people for making such assumptions. These are the same people that may ridicule you for listening to Murs while "they got they Vans on, but they look like sneakers." These are the same people that may diss you for listening to Atmosphere, Hieroglyphics, or Cage while they sing nursery rhymes like "Does your chain hang low...does it hang to the floor?"

The few of us that realize that this is only manufactured music to keep you as a consumer and a slave to multi-billion dollar conglomorate corporations should not be seen as outcasts, but as individuals unlike most of the general public. I could have sworn that music was an artform, not a cash cow! Whatever happened to art over commerce, not commerce over art? No wonder our generation is headed down the toilet...we have morons walking around singing songs about shoes, jewelry, cars, drugs, and murder.

And another thing, this shit that most of you call "hip-hop," is not hardly hip hop! I could have sworn that hip hop was about making you feel good and expanding your mind to help out your community, not subliminally destroy and poison your mind with flith about murder, cash, and hos. You see all these ignorant niggas on TV making videos with elaborate mansions, cars, and models, and to the general public that shit is cool. The commercial rap scene looks just like modern day slavery to me. The huge record companies (that are mostly owned by conglomorate corporations like Viacom) being the slave master while who else would be the slave...these ignorant niggas on BET and MTV all day.
People think because you see a rapper with hella jewelry and nice cars in videos that he automatically labeled as rich. But the funny thing about it is isthat most of these rap artists (recording artists in general) only average 50 cents per album sale!But, I thought they were rich!!! LOL

While the so-called "starving" underground hip hop cat makes 10 dollars per album (if he owns his own record company.

Now, people...don't let the media fool you into thinking that just because you may hear an artist all day and see them all day that they must be rich while the underground cat is starving..The irony of it being the other way around.

Thank God for independent music!

Welcome To Your Ending.

Song of the Moment:
"Fuck You Lucy" by Atmosphere

Thanks for all of the reasons I kept you around as a friend
Thanks for the reasons I should have left you deep within
Thanks for the pain I felt for being so blunt
Thanks for showing me you're nothing more than a selfish cunt
Regardless of what you say
I came over 3,000 miles away
To actually think I would see you today
But then I realized
You weren't even worth the trip
The stupid ignorant bitch
The selfish thoughtless Trick
The scars and scrapes they itch
When you basically spoke in vermilion reasons
Another broad that claimed to be cool as Spring seasons
But colder than December
The words you spoke last night
My face disfigured
Now I see
I should remember
That I should have never gave a fuck about you
My skin peeled back
Muscles no longer strong
But weak and tender
Burning and scared
My soul feels lost
Another genocide feathered and tarred
But all you were was another synthentic bitch
As I hang from this noose
Trying to captivate my world
Body swaying in the horizon
Gasping from the truth.
..
There was really a strong motivation for writing this piece right now off the top of my head, but I am ironically not going to be blunt. Thanks for being my muse on this subject!

Six Months Wasted.

I would honestly like to thank Barbie for showing me that you overly materialistic poshly pampered fuckin synthetic broads aren't worth my time.
Please do enjoy your poem!

The difference between black rich and poor
Is your personal wine cellar and our corner liquor store
An Uncle Tom ass nigga murdered Sadaam, little niggas
For a white man's capital and even galore
This alcohol in my veins
Disturbed and detached
Therapy to my pain
She nonchalantly through my body in from of a train
Disguised the demon
With heavy make-up and Prada pumps
I've scrapped my whole fuckin' life for food
While you niggas ate four-course meals like Donald Trump
The media's cloned-out manufactured
Capitalist's Barbie
Lavish clothes, cars, and shoes
Cover up her insecurities
She finds someone that cared about her
To only sabotage their interaction
Helped him size his neck to his noose
Eventually he was gaspin'
Abandoned me righteously
Because I couldn't afford her heavy price tag
Daddy cloaked Barbie in precious silks
I grew up in cloth and rags
My existense and survival not based on
A bank statement
I don't need hella money to be content
I don't think you get my gist
She could talk about clothes and handbags for hours
Then ridicule me for my politics
You can dress me
And cloak me
Even do my hair and make-up
Boughi niggas with no morals
Uncle Tom bitches existense
Measured by clothes and money
Even the car you drive
Spent over $5,000 on clothes this year
To cover up that weak mind and plastic personality
Hating me for being so different
Me just a poor black nigga
Merely strictly from the hood
While you fuckin' eating proper meals
We eatin' breakfast cereal for dinner
And you wanna say I'm an actor
Because I don't feel the need to
Be a conformist
A material label whore like you
I read things with substance
A little beyond your understanding of Vibe mags and Cosmo
But to you I am a leper
I'm not one of the "cool, normal people"
I guess I couldn't afford your friendship
I wasn't BET minstrel show field nigga enough
I would rather read the truth of the world
Then be enthralled with the latest new Sambo Bamboozle nigga snap dance
Overpublized piece of shit
Manufactured crap slave music on TV
I picked up, through the synthetic bitch in the Pacific
Another Barbie
She said we're so different
The Brit bitch
She said we weren't getting on
She said I could easily be replaced
And then my Barbie was gone.