Oh, Hip-Hop...You Bore Me Soooo....

This Tame Impala “Innerspeaker” album is blasting through these God-awful expensive BOSE earphones, but it sounds so incredible. I can say that spending a hundred dollars on these earphones is a bit much, but when you want to feel and embrace yourself in the music that you are listening to (like myself), it is all worth the investment. Why spend thirty dollars on some Apple earbuds that will eventually break within three months so you have to buy another pair? It just makes sense in the end to buy the higher quality earphones that will last a longer time.

I recently have come into a funk with this music that I have been working with as of late. All of my clients are hip-hop artists, and I am growing bored with this genre of music. If all you can talk about is how cool you are, and how your Louis Vuitton “Damier print got you lookin’ like a chessboard,” then I really do not feel the need to listen to your shit. The hip-hop genre is like high school; everyone wants to be cool. It’s sad to me to go to these local shows with up and coming hip-hop artists and see how most of these rappers are going broke to “keep up with the Joneses.” All of this “I’m too cool...please look at me” bullshit reminds me of myself at the age of sixteen and seventeen. Now, the really sad thing is when I am twenty-five years old (the same age as most of the artists I see perpetuating this “cool kid” persona) and I can say, “These rap niggas remind me of myself when I was 17.”

I am now looking to sign a band (or two or more). Rock has been the one true genre (since I was 16) that has drawn out the most excitement out of me musically. The lyrics are generally raw human emotions that everyone can relate to (vulnerability, euphoria, etc). If you are in a band or if you know of any dope bands looking for some branding, public relations, booking, etc., please do send them my way. You seen what I’ve done for Dom Kennedy; I point guard careers.

When I was 17, it was cool to hear rappers (like Jay-Z) talk about lavish things (such as G4 jets and Cristal bottles) that I would “aspire” to having one day. But now, at the ripe, old age of twenty-five years old (I kid...I kid...) I can no longer relate to these material things. Hell, I could easily go buy a bottle of Cristal and be cool in the club on Sunset Blvd in Hollywood like the rest of the sheepie, but I’d rather be home and write. Some of us grow up extremely quicker than others; most of us never grow up at all. Who really wants to be the old guy in the club; honestly?!

Lust For Life

I never expected to ever move to Los Angeles; I remember two years ago in college in Maryland and damning the southern portion of my home-state for the few materialistic people I met on campus. I moved here in July, and I have now been here five months. The first few months I was here, I was in awe of how "cool" it was. In the past two months, I realized how all of this Hollywood bullshit can literally drain you. I have come to grips in the past two months that I truly cannot be happy here; I will say that being here has been an experience that I definitely needed.

I remember in college I had the sense of pride and consciousness for life and learning more about the world at large (one of my favorite phrases back then). I remember I used to sit and write journal entries, essays, blogs, manifestos, and poems, and get that sense of excitement and lust for life. I must say that in the past two years, I have not been writing hardly as much as I used to. I found myself going back to reading some of my old entries from years past and seeing the kind of man I was in 2006 and 2007. I miss that person. Somewhere along the way, I let this music business that I have ventured into tarnish my one true God-given gift, my writing ability. I let the bullshit of going out on drunken nights to $5 dollar bill shows amongst the drunks and whores blind me from my one truth medium that speaks through me completely, my writing. I let the arrogance of being behind a simple velvet rope in VIP watching my clientele and even other musical artists perform outshine the one true burning desire that is within me, my writing.

I will continue to put up blogs with music, but from now on, I will go back to my original format for creating this blog in the first place. I will go back to using this blog as my journal; I will revert back to using this website as a place for my pains, anguish, joy, and happiness of my 25-year-old life. I am coming back into the sense of my true self.

God, I'm still so thanksful

Fallin' Down

Some times I question myself on why I put myself into rough positions where I feel like I am not being given the same interest or attraction that I give the female that I am talking to. I have been in this boat before; the feeling of knowing what you feel for that person can easily be dissolved is nothing new to me. I'm used to them picking up and running away for whatever reason. If I do something that is totally outlandish and cannot be forgiven, then I think I deserve to find that out from them rather than the typical "I'll just stop calling and ignore all of his attempts to talk to me" approach that most of them have done.

I have come of age in the past few years; I have realized that I am a selfish person, but when it comes to the one I am dating seriously, I give a lot more than I receive. In one instance, this is not true, but I can say that for the majority of the serious interactions with women that I have had I felt like I was not receiving the same attempts in communication like I gave them.

I think that my mother was right months ago when she said that I had an old soul and that talking to these girls my age would be a challenge for me because they were not of the same mind frame or mental plateau whatsoever. She concluded her viable advice by stating that an older woman would be the best way for me to go; I'm starting to think that Mom was right.

Overstaying My Welcome

So I'm sitting here in the middle of my room watching my fingers race at this keyboard trying to understand why I am so uncertain with what I am to be doing with my life currently. Why does this thing called "college" seem like a big waste of time? I realize that receiving a degree would be a great accomplishment, but something in me just doesn't have the drive to want to finish. I think that maybe travelling over 3,000 miles to this college in the remote rural land of Maryland from the lively urban California is becoming more than displeasing. I have thought that maybe going back to California to complete my degree might be a great thing for me to do after I have realized that my graduation date has yet extended back another semester. It was projected for this December of this year of 2007, but it's looking more like May of 2008. I am already 22 years old and I feel like I am much too old to be here fraternizing with such young and puerile kids running about this campus, all hormone-raged and such. I was fine with being here at the age of 20, but now at this somewhat stale age of 22, the campus life thing is becoming a bit mundane and annoying. Getting drunk on the weekends for some sort of self-escapism from the bowels of this humdrum campus is getting a tad bit annoying.

Alas! There maybe is hope for me, yeah? Maybe if I sit here and attempt to search for some sort of solace within myself, I can find the driving factor that will give me the ambition to get the hell out of here. Yes! Now that would assuredly be great; yes, sir it would be nice.

I guess that grad school abroad will have to wait a few more semesters, yeah? It's okay; I need to prepare myself for what's beyond the Atlantic anyway.

Love is...

"And everyone in his life might think that it is love."
-Atmosphere, "Fuck You Lucy"
album:..God Loves Ugly

Usually I have a topic to write on, but today I have absolutely nothing that I want to get off of my chest at this point in time. I can easily make a "Hey, I gotta hella drunk and did something stupid" cliche frat boy-esque blog, but I actually like to use my brain when I writing a blog (or anything else written). Ok, I have a topic...!

Love! Now, before I get on this topic of love, I would like to tell you (as the reader) that I am solely writing this blog based on ONLY my personal experience (well, also, my parent's experiences as well). I find it kind of strange how a person can be a complete recluse (such as myself) one day, then be overstruck with this feeling of love. It can change your total outlook on the world and life in general. Love is the one human emotion that controls all others (pain, happiness, anger, jealousy, confidence, loneliness, fear, and closure) In the next few lines, I will explain how love truly does "conquer" all (Well, more like conquers all other human emotions).

If you love someone, you at first have to put confidence in that person that they will make you happy before you take that huge risk on giving them your heart. Sometimes, the love connection you have with someone else is mutual. But, most times, that love connection is unrequited. This unrequited love you may have for somewhat may leave you feeling lonely and fearful that the person you trusted didn't care about you at all! When the person you love has left you, you become angry that they will find someone new. Eventually when they find someone new, you feel jealous that you could not be that one they care for anymore. Finally, you have to realize that you will no longer be a part of this person's life, and this my friends is called "closure."

As you can see, love truly does "conquer" all. Without the emotion of love, none of the other human emotions (that I mentioned) can be driven. You need love (passion) to feel jealous, fearful, lonely, closure, confident, happy, and angry. This is why I (for one) would rather there be no love emotion in my life. Love is a smoke screen for pain. Pain is what you will feel when that person doesn't care for you like you did them. There is no such thing as mutual love. Someone will always love more than the other person. That's why in marriages, spouse A can cheat on Spouse B, and the Spouse B that's been cheated on will stay with Spouse A through the painful struggle that we all like to consider so beautiful, "love." And once you get over that person (which most of us never do), you will feel loneliness. Loneliness is the one emotion that I wish I could do without! Loneliness makes you want someone there. Loneliness is the reason why all of us want to love and feel loved. But, honestly, how do you really know if someone really gives a shit about you in the first place?!?!? You will never know! All you will know is if you really will love them. And the saddest insecurity about life is that you can love someone your whole life, and they may never feel the same way about you.