So I'm sitting here in the middle of my room watching my fingers race at this keyboard trying to understand why I am so uncertain with what I am to be doing with my life currently. Why does this thing called "college" seem like a big waste of time? I realize that receiving a degree would be a great accomplishment, but something in me just doesn't have the drive to want to finish. I think that maybe travelling over 3,000 miles to this college in the remote rural land of Maryland from the lively urban California is becoming more than displeasing. I have thought that maybe going back to California to complete my degree might be a great thing for me to do after I have realized that my graduation date has yet extended back another semester. It was projected for this December of this year of 2007, but it's looking more like May of 2008. I am already 22 years old and I feel like I am much too old to be here fraternizing with such young and puerile kids running about this campus, all hormone-raged and such. I was fine with being here at the age of 20, but now at this somewhat stale age of 22, the campus life thing is becoming a bit mundane and annoying. Getting drunk on the weekends for some sort of self-escapism from the bowels of this humdrum campus is getting a tad bit annoying.
Alas! There maybe is hope for me, yeah? Maybe if I sit here and attempt to search for some sort of solace within myself, I can find the driving factor that will give me the ambition to get the hell out of here. Yes! Now that would assuredly be great; yes, sir it would be nice.
I guess that grad school abroad will have to wait a few more semesters, yeah? It's okay; I need to prepare myself for what's beyond the Atlantic anyway.
Showing posts with label confession. Show all posts
Showing posts with label confession. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Tuesday, February 6, 2007
I'm Not Your Joe College.
"Take down these photographs, yellowed by years."
-"Carpenters," Mata Hari
I always seem to begin my blogs (or writings in general) with a lyric from a song that seemed to cross my mind at the time of the writing's conception. Topic, topic, TOPIC! Hmm...what shall I write about today? I have no idea what I am going to write about today, so let's call this blog a "freestyle." Whatever comes to my mind is exactly what I will be writing about today.
Confessions:
I would like to confess that I have been anything but an ideal young man that is in the college setting. I haven't been to one class within the past week and a half.
I can be parasitic at times. I have a truly bad temper. I take out all of my frustrations on the people that care about me the most. Through me taking out all of my stress and frustrations out on the closest people to me, they eventually get tired of my shit and leave me alone.
I cut people out of my life because I think I am doing the right thing. I just recently realized that not everyone is out to get me.
I think I have some of the symptoms of being manic depressive, but not completely. I don't know what that would fall under...maybe borderline, I guess. I guess, I would more or less be somewhat bipolar; yes, I do have sudden urges of anger then sadness.
I believe that I will never find anyone that will understand me completely and now I am content with knowing that. It used to bother me to the point of insanity and detachment; it doesn't so much anymore. I am thankful that I can't be read like a Dr. Seuss book.
I would rather be alone than be surrounded by people. I am a loner; I am a recluse. I don't feel the need to be around friends most of the time; I rather enjoy being alone the majority of the time.
My little brother, Jalen (a sibling of mine from the mother's current marriage) has been through more stress in his short six years on this Earth than I have been through in my twenty-two years here.
After my cousin, Prince passed away last month, I promised myself that I would live my life as unconventional as possible rather than follow the "rules" of the norm. If I one day want to get up and fly to Italy, I will do so. Tomorrow is not for certain. Why do we put fences around other selves on what we can do in a certain time frame when most of us may never get that chance to take the big plunge in the great beyond again? Why not just pack all of your things and get out of here if that's what you want to do. We worry too much about work and school than about why we are truly here; we are here to serve our Higher Being (whomever that is to you as an individual) and live as unconventional as possible. I think my purpose in life is to live a life to see as many things as possible before my dying moment rather than slave to the norms of society before taking time to adventure the world.
-"Carpenters," Mata Hari
I always seem to begin my blogs (or writings in general) with a lyric from a song that seemed to cross my mind at the time of the writing's conception. Topic, topic, TOPIC! Hmm...what shall I write about today? I have no idea what I am going to write about today, so let's call this blog a "freestyle." Whatever comes to my mind is exactly what I will be writing about today.
Confessions:
I would like to confess that I have been anything but an ideal young man that is in the college setting. I haven't been to one class within the past week and a half.
I can be parasitic at times. I have a truly bad temper. I take out all of my frustrations on the people that care about me the most. Through me taking out all of my stress and frustrations out on the closest people to me, they eventually get tired of my shit and leave me alone.
I cut people out of my life because I think I am doing the right thing. I just recently realized that not everyone is out to get me.
I think I have some of the symptoms of being manic depressive, but not completely. I don't know what that would fall under...maybe borderline, I guess. I guess, I would more or less be somewhat bipolar; yes, I do have sudden urges of anger then sadness.
I believe that I will never find anyone that will understand me completely and now I am content with knowing that. It used to bother me to the point of insanity and detachment; it doesn't so much anymore. I am thankful that I can't be read like a Dr. Seuss book.
I would rather be alone than be surrounded by people. I am a loner; I am a recluse. I don't feel the need to be around friends most of the time; I rather enjoy being alone the majority of the time.
My little brother, Jalen (a sibling of mine from the mother's current marriage) has been through more stress in his short six years on this Earth than I have been through in my twenty-two years here.
After my cousin, Prince passed away last month, I promised myself that I would live my life as unconventional as possible rather than follow the "rules" of the norm. If I one day want to get up and fly to Italy, I will do so. Tomorrow is not for certain. Why do we put fences around other selves on what we can do in a certain time frame when most of us may never get that chance to take the big plunge in the great beyond again? Why not just pack all of your things and get out of here if that's what you want to do. We worry too much about work and school than about why we are truly here; we are here to serve our Higher Being (whomever that is to you as an individual) and live as unconventional as possible. I think my purpose in life is to live a life to see as many things as possible before my dying moment rather than slave to the norms of society before taking time to adventure the world.
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