Wonder What's Next

A major set of changes are headed my way in next few days when I get back home to California. Things aren't looking up for me at this point in time. I have my own routine now in trying to not care or even feel about what's around the corner. but, yet I can't help but to peek around the corner and wonder what's next. I have to find a way to pay rent once a month by July, and I also have to figure what I am going to do with my life once I get home for good. I don't feel very happy about being in Maryland at this college, and I had came to this conclusion months ago that I would just go back home to California to finish college, get my own place, and live independently. But, in essence, that is one hell of a scare for me! I don't know what the hell I am doing or where the hell I am going in life. My grades aren't the greatest from this semester, and I honestly don't think there's a bat's chance in hell that I will be accepted into this small liberal arts college in the Bay Area, Menlo College. Friends of mine that go to college at home, either live at home with their parents still comfortably, or have their own places. Usually, their parents are paying their rent monthly so that they can completely focus on obtaining their collegiate degrees. But, as for me, when I go home, I don't have a place I can call home. I don't have a room of my own to go to in my own home. I am jumping around constantly from one house to the other of family members. I can't stay at my mother's because there's just too much stress over there, and at my father's place, there's no space for me. I hope that going home isn't setting myself up for failure, but it feels that way.