You did it to yourself.

Yes, I do write down and publish all of my feelings on these blogs for the world to see. "Why the hell would you put your business out there like that?" Because I have the right to write about anything that comes to my mind. I don't feel the need to write the typical college "frat boy-esque...Damn I got hella drunk at the mega kegger last night" type of blogs like most. Writing about my pains and struggles in essence does make me feel better.

To sit here and write two poems that are utterly vivid and morbid in imagery then have the balls to put them on the internet was a little risque. But, then again, I have no problem with people seeing who I really am. Most people would take it as "airing my dirty laundry out" in public; I take it as releasing a lot of aggression.

Everyone that I know has someone that they can talk to about any problem that may be occurring in their lives; I don't have such a luxury. When I finally give another human being a chance to see me for all of my many flaws, imperfections, and pitfalls, eventually they find a way to sabotage our friendship. Well, I guess it's not really a friendship. It's more like an association. We become associates only with a temporary time line. It always seems to happen with the people I consider great friends, but then learn I am not considered as great of a friend in their eye sight.

There has been times in my life when the majority of the people that I have encountered were not on the same wavelength as me. I have many friends...well, associates...that I can't talk to about my deepest most inner believes about the world at large because they won't understand. But, then again, I have had maybe two people that I considered associates that were on the same wavelength as me that understood my politics completely. This leads me to my point. I have finally met some one that I thought was on the same wavelength as me, but turned out to think that they were beyond my understanding of the world at large.

The irony of speaking to someone everyday for hours upon hours (via text message literally from 7:00 A.M.-7:00P.M.) for almost 3 months to hear about what great things "whatcha ma call it" is doing in New Orleans or how "so and so" is in grad school in New York and eventually finding out you aren't even mentioned at all to any of the people she mentions all the time.

Some things I can't forget; some things you will regret.